Basic Ground Rules on the Whole “Hi” Thing

I recently sent an email to a friend to just say “Hi” and this is what he sent back!


Hi back at ya!  🙂

I think we should lay some ground rules on the “Hi” thing. I don’t want it to get out of hand:

1)  Face book “Hi” only count for 1/2.  Since you’re on FB, you know your screwing off and the “HI” is not 100% serious

2)  Email “HI” gets full point.  Because you had to take extra time to open your Outlook or login to Hotmail, you know it the real deal “Hi”

3)  Phone call “HI” gets a full point.  Hey you had to dial a number, its Real.

a)  Unless it’s followed with request for help, like “I’m moving and need to borrow your pickup and you”.  Those don’t get any points, mostly because they are not real “Hi”, they are just a social grace leading to a request.

b) Unless it’s followed with request for REAL help, like “My car broke down, I’m in the Ghetto, and I need you to call 911 for me”.  Those don’t get any points, because you should have gotten right to the problem and not wasted time saying “Hi”.

c)  If you used voice speed dialing on your cell or home phone, you get nothing!  You’re lazy and the effort really was not there for a real “Hi”.

4)  Maximum of 9 “Hi” per day

a)  Unless you have a relative that died (dogs and cats count as relatives) then you have to slim it back to 5 per day max.  Because you’re grieving and anything that moves around you makes you feel even worse.  So back it down a bit, they need time to order food for the Wake.

b)  If you just got a new car, home or apartment you get a 3 “Hi” bump (total of 12).  This is because you will always follow the “Hi” with how cool your new thing is, and we all want to talk about our cool stuff.

c)  IF you just broke up with your spouse or Girlfriend/Boyfriend:

I )  If you are both girls, then you get unlimited for the next 10 days.  Girls need to talk smack about the guy they broke up with so more time is allocated for this.

II ) If you are both male, then you get only 1 MAXIMUM.  This is only so you can arrange a meet at the bar, golf course or strip club.  Men don’t need to talk during these times, they just need to drink, play with balls or look at breasts, all at the same time or separately.  This is how they grieve when they lose a great woman or the ball and chain.  The remedy is the same for both situations.

III ) if you are a male contacting a female or the other way around,  Zero “Hi’s” are allowed for 10 days.  Because you know who messed up in the relationship and you know its going to come up in the conversation.  Avoid the argument (of how bad they were) or the pouring out of your heart (of how bad they were to you), just don’t call for a while.
Are we clear on these rules?

You have used 1 of your 9 for today.  😉

And I almost forgot,  Hi !


Steve Brubaker

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